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A palpable sense of relief descended on South Florida as it seemed the region would be spared the worst effects of Hurricane Dorian. No longer would Miamians instigate fights in Publix, enter shouting matches at gas stations, and run each other off the road because of an impending Category 4 hurricane. Rather, they would instigate fights in Publix, enter shouting matches at gas stations, and run each other off the road because it was Sunday.

“I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about the crazies on the highway anymore,” declared Dolores Bianca as she careened across six lanes traffic, answered a call, checked her Instagram, listened to a podcast, and yelled at her child in the backseat. “Hurricanes make people do insane things!”

“It’s way calmer now,” explained Nick Polaris, slurring his words from the sidewalk outside E11even. He glared at a pedestrian he was sure was trying him. Polaris cocked his arm to punch the passerby when he vomited, slid on the effluence, and landed on his back.

“It’s good to be back to normal,” he added without opening his eyes.

“We’re all breathing easier,” said Maria Elena Trujillo. She watched a boiling pot of black beans on her stovetop while four grandchildren gallivanted around the kitchen. “Not stressing about the storm takes a lot off my plate. Now I just worry about rent, health care, education, transportation, and an impending recession.”

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Andrew OtazoAndrew Otazo

'Miami Creation Myth' author Andrew Otazo has advised officials on Cuba policy, worked for the Mexican president, fired a tank, and ran with 30lbs of trash.

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