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Miami Party Breaks Sound Barrier

Miami Party Breaks Sound Barrier

The shockwave uprooted palm trees, overturned trucks, and flattened houses across Miami’s West Kendall neighborhood. Unsuspecting pedestrians flew dozens of feet through the air. Children and pets were blasted into the atmosphere, never to be seen again. The sharp...
Surgeon General Issues Warning About Cuban Coffee

Surgeon General Issues Warning About Cuban Coffee

The U.S. Surgeon General warned consumers that excessive consumption of Cuban coffee can have diverse deleterious and anomalous effects on their health. These include, but are not limited to: Excessive energyDifficulty falling asleepUncontrollable shaking X-ray...
Ventanita Ladies’ Secret to Perfect Cafecito

Ventanita Ladies’ Secret to Perfect Cafecito

Miami’s caffeine cowgirls, the vaunted ventanita ladies, generously decided to share their occult cafecito secrets with The Miami Creation Myth. The following is a detailed, step-by-step description for how to make the perfect Cuban coffee, according to their...
Latina Suffers Existential Crisis After Bungling Her Spanish

Latina Suffers Existential Crisis After Bungling Her Spanish

Jessie González, whose parents are both Peruvian immigrants, clutched her knees and rocked herself on a tile bathroom floor. Jessie González, whose parents are both Peruvian immigrants, clutched her knees and rocked herself on a tile bathroom floor....
Hurricane Dorian Declared a Category 5 Douchebag

Hurricane Dorian Declared a Category 5 Douchebag

The Institute of Assholery Awareness (IAA) today designated Hurricane Dorian a full-blown Category 5 douche. “Dorian is causing widespread emotional, psychological, and physical devastation across its path,” explained Cynthia Almeida, IAA’s Executive Director. “It has...