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Cubans Keep Despojando Haunted Hotel

Cubans Keep Despojando Haunted Hotel

“God dammit!” shouted Jeffrey Lisicki, owner of the Crimson Rose, Saint Augustine’s premier haunted bed and breakfast. “We lost another ghost!” “That’s the third this month!” cried Sarah Lisicki, his business partner and wife. “Soon, there be any ghosts left in the...
The 50 Stages of a Miami Goodbye

The 50 Stages of a Miami Goodbye

It’s 2 AM. You’ve been at your cousin’s party for the last five hours. You desperately want to leave, drive home, and collapse onto your bed. You’d love nothing more than to walk straight out of your this house while diligently avoiding eye contact with every human...
Miami Ranked Most F*ckable City

Miami Ranked Most F*ckable City

In the first study of its kind, the Pew Research Center today released a nationwide municipal “Marry, Fuck, Kill” survey that placed Miami squarely in the middle classification. Over 20,000 individuals from diverse racial, gender, and sexual preference backgrounds...
Florida Secedes from Miami

Florida Secedes from Miami

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis today announced that he no longer recognizes Miami-Dade County as residing within Florida’s borders, effectively detaching the latter from the former’s body politic. “We’re fed up with Miami!” declared DeSantis, repeatedly slamming his...
Miami Party Breaks Sound Barrier

Miami Party Breaks Sound Barrier

The shockwave uprooted palm trees, overturned trucks, and flattened houses across Miami’s West Kendall neighborhood. Unsuspecting pedestrians flew dozens of feet through the air. Children and pets were blasted into the atmosphere, never to be seen again. The sharp...
Surgeon General Issues Warning About Cuban Coffee

Surgeon General Issues Warning About Cuban Coffee

The U.S. Surgeon General warned consumers that excessive consumption of Cuban coffee can have diverse deleterious and anomalous effects on their health. These include, but are not limited to: Excessive energyDifficulty falling asleepUncontrollable shaking X-ray...