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Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

“What the fuck is this shit??” exclaimed Emmanuel Bossou, who was clearly underdressed as he braced against a Breckenridge, CO blizzard in a Miami Heat hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. A driving gale blew sheaths of snow into his grimacing face. “This is bullshit!” Bossou...
Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”

Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”

Thousands of exultant Miamians threw gasoline and broken furniture into Marlins Stadium, fueling an inferno that quickly enveloped the arena. Flames leapt hundreds of feet into the cool night air through the retracted roof, lighting the gleeful faces of children,...
Cuban Undergoes Surgery to Remove Potato from His Mouth

Cuban Undergoes Surgery to Remove Potato from His Mouth

Eugenia Batista (aged 52) gave a thumbs up from his hospital bed after undergoing a 15-hour round-the-clock surgery to remove a potato that had been lodged in his lower mandible since infancy. Surrounded by family, friends, and well-wishers, he seemed in good cheer....
Blank Wall Accidentally Sells for $2 Million at Art Basel

Blank Wall Accidentally Sells for $2 Million at Art Basel

The side of an abandoned warehouse on the corner of NW 26th St and 5th Ave sold for $2 million on the final day of Miami’s Art Basel festival. The untitled work by an anonymous artist measures 10 by 20 feet and has no discernible features other than a pealing coat of...
Hole in the Ground Sells for $5 Million at Art Basel

Hole in the Ground Sells for $5 Million at Art Basel

Wynwood’s high-end Eponymous art gallery set a new purchase record when it sold Jeffrey Edelman’s “Ungrounded” for $5 million. The multimedia piece is composed of soil, rock, and air, as it is a two-foot-deep hole the artist dug in his backyard. “It signifies the deep...