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God Burns Miami After Accidentally Setting Celestial Oven to 450

God Burns Miami After Accidentally Setting Celestial Oven to 450

“Oh, for My sake!” cried the Almighty Creator of Heaven and Earth. “I ruined the Mydamned thing!” Peeking into the Great Celestial Convection Oven placed on the countertop of His Hallowed Open Plan Kitchen, God belatedly realized He set Miami’s temperature far too...
Miami Mayor Francis Suarez Accidentally Doesn’t Take a Bribe

Miami Mayor Francis Suarez Accidentally Doesn’t Take a Bribe

City of Miami Mayor Francis Suarez sat at his usual corner booth in Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse, just blocks from Downtown Miami. He and Brazilian real estate magnate João Silveira had just finished a two-hour-long lunch replete with medium rare ribeyes, baked...
Democrats Have a Cuban Problem

Democrats Have a Cuban Problem

It’s actually 187,006 problems, or how many more Cuban Americans are registered as Republicans rather than Democrats in Florida (53% are registered Republicans, 26% are Democrats, and 21% are Independents). But it wasn’t always so! In 2016, Trump only won about half...
Sheltered Latino Just Realized Racism Exists

Sheltered Latino Just Realized Racism Exists

Danny Rodriguez sat 20 stories up a glass and concrete office tower in a corner conference room—surrounded almost exclusively by 10 non-Hispanic White colleagues—shocked, stupefied, flabbergasted even. He had just made what he considered an astute recommendation...
Sheltered Latino Just Realized Racism Exists

What Does a Utopian Miami Look Like?

The alarm sounds, jolting me out of sleep. I must’ve hit snooze a few times because my phone shows that I have exactly one hour to get from my apartment in Downtown Homestead to my job in Brickell, 30 miles away. I smile. No need to rush. I brush my teeth, pull on...