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Super Bowl Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws

Super Bowl Tourists Enrage Miamians by Obeying Traffic Laws

“Look at this asshole!” exclaimed Alex Diaz as he accelerated his BMW 3 Series to block a minivan with Ohio plates from entering his lane. The four cars behind Diaz closed ranks to ensure the Dodge Caravan, which had turned on its indicator, would be unable to make...
The Miami-English Dictionary

The Miami-English Dictionary

A translation of the most common Miami phrases into English. MiamianEnglishI’m parking.I just got out of the showerI’ll be there in 30 minutesYou’ll never see me again.The party starts at 9 PM.The party starts at 12 AM.Stop eating shit.Stop fucking...
Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

Miamian Horrified to Learn Snow is Just Really Cold Water

“What the fuck is this shit??” exclaimed Emmanuel Bossou, who was clearly underdressed as he braced against a Breckenridge, CO blizzard in a Miami Heat hoodie, jeans, and sneakers. A driving gale blew sheaths of snow into his grimacing face. “This is bullshit!” Bossou...
Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”

Miamians Burn Down Marlins Stadium to “Keep Warm”

Thousands of exultant Miamians threw gasoline and broken furniture into Marlins Stadium, fueling an inferno that quickly enveloped the arena. Flames leapt hundreds of feet into the cool night air through the retracted roof, lighting the gleeful faces of children,...
Cuban Undergoes Surgery to Remove Potato from His Mouth

Cuban Undergoes Surgery to Remove Potato from His Mouth

Eugenia Batista (aged 52) gave a thumbs up from his hospital bed after undergoing a 15-hour round-the-clock surgery to remove a potato that had been lodged in his lower mandible since infancy. Surrounded by family, friends, and well-wishers, he seemed in good cheer....